I am getting so sick of the "rules" and "games" of dating. Now, I know everyone on the planet claims to not play games (including myself) but....lets get real....everyone plays them. Don't even try to say you don't because you do and you know it! In your own little way you have games you play. Like, the "I'm not going to answer the phone so I can be mysterious" or "I'm going to pretend I don't know how to fix that broken appliance so that he can come over and do it for me." Whatever they are...you have them. Everyone also has an opinion on the way things should be and the way you should "work" a new relationship. BARF! I honestly think it is all hog wash! The most recent thing I have read lately was Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. He basically just simplifies it all and says that women need to be women and allow men to be men. You gotta let men profess, protect, and provide. I'll try it and let you know how it goes. Ha ha ha.
I am fortunate that I do date a lot. Sometimes I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. Some people look at it as a numbers game, if that is true then I must not be too lucky because I put lots of bets on the table and it hasn't paid out big yet. I won't stop trying though. People always ask me where I met the men (some act more like boys) that I go out with. Well, it's no secret that I am an Internet dater. So far I haven't really met any crazies...so far. I think I have a natural ability to weed out the weirdos before we even go out. However, I have met a variety of men and have had so much fun. Some of the men I have met have become dear friends. Some of them I wish I never met. Some of them I couldn't get enough of. Some of them were boring. Some of them were the most fun people I have ever met in my life. I have had a great time Internet dating and I highly recommend it.
Truth be known....As fun as dating is....I am sick of it. I am so sick of men not saying what they mean and not meaning what they say. I am sick of recently divorced men dating way before they are ready and me ending up sad and heartbroken because they came on to strong, thought they were ready and freaked themselves out! Fairly recently (a couple of months ago) I had my heart ripped out of my chest in one of these very situations (you can try and take a guess but the last handful of men I have dated have all been recently divorced, ug!) Anyway, he hurt me bad and I haven't felt that used or hurt in a long time. I'm partially to blame because I put way too much stock in this guy and defiantly shouldn't have, and I actually believed all the nice things he said were true. Silly me. He really wasn't ready for me and all I have to offer and to be honest he couldn't have appreciated me and what I have to give right now anyway. Now please DO NOT be mistaken, I am over this guy. It took a little bit, but really I am over him, I just don't know if I am over what he did. Ya know, the whole come on strong, tell me this is what he wants, and then dumping me flat on my behind. My point in even bringing all of this up at all is that I just have to keep trying. As bad as dating can hurt sometimes, I just have to get back on the horse. I have to keep accepting dates, keep allowing people to set me up, I just have to keep on keeping on. I never want my bad dating experiences turn me into a man hating grump. Thankfully I love men and as much as I want to hate them sometimes, I just can't bring myself to do it.
Honestly, for every bad experience I have I really have a million good ones. I just need to find someone who is on the same page I'm on and half the time I think the men I go out with aren't even reading the same book as me which makes it hard to get them on the same page! And why is it that a lot of us searching for love always complain that there is no one out there or that nobody is interested in us? I made a realization the other day, it's not that no one is interested in us, people are, it's just not who we want it to be. Why is it that the people I am interested in aren't interested in me and visa versa? Ug, it can be frustrating. I think it's funny that girls want to be swept off their feet but we are so picky about who can do the sweeping. For example, if a man you are interested in does something sweet like leaving flowers on your car, you are elated and couldn't be happier. But when someone you are not interested in does it, it can freak you right out. Go figure.
Sometimes people will tell me that I need to stop dating more than one man at a time; that men aren't going to take me serious until I settle down a little bit. They are probably right, but truth be known, I do it as a defense mechanism. I don't really want to try and juggle more than one at a time, I love monogamy, I love being in a relationship. But at this time I just can't risk focusing on one and then getting dropped, I don't like the big drop. You know what I would love though? I would love for a man (one I am interested in, I would NOT love this from a man I was not into) to just tell me once and for all that he wants to drop the other guys and just focus on him. I would love for a man to be interested enough that he is willing to put his pride aside, stick his neck out there and tell me that he is into me and wants to give it a go. But so far that only happens with guys I am not interested in, dang it!! OR a man will do it and then realize he isn't ready and then hearts end up broken, not fun!
I had an interesting experience the other day at the bank. I was waiting in a long line and the bank and this sweet grandpa behind me started chattin it up with me. He was asking me questions and when he found out that was single he started giving me his fatherly advice and counsel about life, love, and dating. I don't want to go into too many details about our conversation but I will say this.... I left there with a new resolve for my dating life. I realized that I have been quantity dating instead of quality dating. I was accepting dates from nearly everyone who asked, allowing myself to be set up with whoever, hanging out with men I know I would never pursue long term, and most of all I kept giving everyone the benefit-of-the-doubt! Not anymore. I decided that I am not going to date people who aren't ready, people who need "time" to get over a previous relationship, and most of all I am not going to waste anymore time!! After our conversation when I got home that night I deleted a lot phone numbers from my phone, friends from facebook, I basically did a "man purge". It felt so good and I really haven't been happier in months! I also have backed way off on the Internet dating and have taken a totally different approach. I used to think that I needed to be super proactive about dating, but with this new outlook I am putting in little to no effort and I love it!! They always say you find love when you aren't looking for it or you least expect it. We'll see what happens because right now I really couldn't care less. I'll keep you posted. :)
PS I posted this blog today 9/13/09 not sure why it has July's date....
